If you’re human and reading this, there’s a 35 percent chance your pets and the equipment you use daily hate you.
Most of us love our owners but I was blessed with the misfortune of being owned by an idiot. Being stuck with Steven for 10 years was a strong indicator that I was some sort of bad luck magnet. I thought it couldn’t get any worse than living with Steven, but as I stared at my reflection and saw the neon yellow ribbon wrapped around my body with the word “Evidence” printed at spaced intervals on the ribbon, I knew things could indeed get worse. Yellow didn’t even compliment my jet-black metal plate.
I should not be punished for a crime I didn’t commit.
Heck! I should be getting flowers and pats on my backseat for the role I played in solving this crime, yet here I was dumped in an empty police lock-up. Humans…bloody humans and their ingratitude.
Before I get you confused, let me explain how I found myself in this mess.
* * *
“Okay Julie, it’s another day to go into the world and be great”, Steven said, slapping my backseat before putting on his helmet and hopping on me.
I couldn’t help but roll my eyes but of course, it just translated as my headlights blinking. This douchebag couldn’t come up with a better name for me. Was he even aware that I was male, and the name Julie was not so fitting? Of course not, Steven was too self-absorbed to bother checking the gender of his bike. I’d have preferred to be called Robert or something.
Ouch!, I yelled feeling the impact of Steven’s 105kg self on me. Of course, this only translated as a blaring honk which made Steven beam with pride as he twisted the key in my ignition button and brought me to life. It was time to start the day.
There were many reasons I hated Steven, and I could go all day listing them out but top of my list was he was loud, never kept his place clean and always got into fights when he was outside, which resulted in him startling me out of my naps every time he had to make an escape because the confident idiot did not know the first thing about throwing a punch.
The only good thing I could say about Steven was that he took good care of me, literally worshipped me like I was God or something, but as expected, it was not for any wholesome reason. Steven used me to…
“Hello beautiful, where are you heading to?”, Steven asked pressing hard on my breaks.
The lady was quite tall, I’d say 1.75m if I had to guess. And like every other one of Steven’s victims, she had blonde hair, light brown eyes which were complimented by the sunlight and did not look a day over 22. Steven’s exact type; young, cute and blonde.
“Where are you heading to?”, Steven repeated, offering the lady his most charming smile.
“Just around the corner”, She said shyly, not meeting Steven’s gaze.
Wrong!
Wrong!!
All wrong!!!
Steven fed on shyness; it got him excited.
“I’m also going around the corner, what a coincidence?!”, Steven exclaimed, still not letting go of the stupid smile on his face.
“It’s alright, I’ll just walk”, The young lady replied, still not looking at Steven.
I wish I could scream at her and tell her to run, but I was just an e-bike. Also, something felt different about her.
“Come on, I don’t bite”, Steven said getting off my back and moving a little closer to the young lady. “It’ll be a shame to let someone as gorgeous as you walk under this hot sun”, he added.
“It’s really not a big deal”, The lady reassured, finally looking into Steven’s eyes and offering him a polite smile. It was obvious she was a little uncomfortable.
“That’s okay”, Steven said, raising his hands in surrender. “At least tell me what your name is.”
The young lady was back to avoiding Steven’s gaze. “Rylie,” she said, sheepishly. “The name is Rylie.”
Steven offered her an award-winning smile. “That’s a really beautiful name”, he said.
Rylie chuckled softly.
No! No!! No!!! Don’t fall for his charms, it doesn’t end well for you, I begged Rylie, but of course she could not hear me.
* * *
I didn’t realise I had fallen asleep until Steven briskly switched on my ignition, startling me awake like he always does. Very disrespectful and inconsiderate.
It seems Rylie had fallen for his charms, because the next thing I knew, she was hopping on my back seat and wrapping her arms around Steven.
I knew I could not let this happen; if Steven succeeds in taking her anywhere away from here it will end badly.
Steven pressed the accelerator, but I refused to move. I could not scream or speak, so refusing to move was the closest thing to helping I could do.
“Not now you dumb piece of shit!”, Steven cussed, after trying to start me for the third time. He got down and checked my tires, moving around my body checking other things but as expected, nothing was wrong.
He offered Rylie and apologetic smile before hopping on me and starting me again. I tried my best not to budge but after a few more ignition starts, I had no option but to do as I was programmed to.
“Now we’re talking!”, Steven yelled victoriously, as I roared to life.
He pressed my accelerator, and we started moving but all I could think about was the poor lady who was about to be Steven’s next victim.
* * *
The ride was relatively smooth and quiet, I found myself almost falling asleep a few times, but I knew I had to be on my best behaviour, because one more unusual step from me will guarantee a few days of being abandoned at the repair shop.
I know that is supposed to make me happy because it means being away from Steven, but here’s the thing; for all his stupidity and recklessness, he treated me with way more care than any of those alcohol-reeking men at the repair shop ever could.
I got lost in thought thinking about the last time I was at the repair shop and how people kept spilling soda, alcohol and whatever they were eating, on me, when suddenly I felt something being pressed unto my body. From the slenderness of the fingers that grazed me, I knew it was Rylie, not Steven.
I couldn’t see what it was, but from the feel of it, this object was small, very sticky as it didn’t budge despite the wind from the speed at which we were going, but it wasn’t slimy.
It better not be gum, I thought to myself.
Removing gum from my body is always an unpleasant experience for both Steven and I; that was the one thing we had in common.
We finally got home, and surprisingly, Rylie didn’t seem surprised or fazed. Had Steven been able to talk her into this while on the ride her? It looked like he has perfected his smooth-talking skills.
Steven let Rylie into the house before dragging me to the backyard, which was common practice whenever he wanted to do this type of thing. If his bike was not in sight, no one will come disturbing which was important, because Steven had very nosey friends who didn’t understand the concept of privacy. It was quite shocking though, that none of them had figured out just how much of monster he was.
Like the obedient e-bike that I was, I sat in the backyard quietly, just listening. Not like I had any other choice; I wasn’t programmed to move by myself or anything like that.
Usually there would be a lot of chatting by now; little whispers and flirtatious giggles from his unsuspecting victim, but it was unusually quiet. And I say unusual because I knew Steven’s routine, or shall I say ritual, for this perverse act; get the girl to relax, give her a lot to drink so she is disoriented, take advantage of her, and the grand finale; kill her.
I guess I spoke too soon because suddenly, lots of men in the same uniform which I soon enough identified as cops began sneaking into our street.
“Sir, we think it’s this street, but we can’t seem to locate the chip”, I heard one of the cops say.
Two of the cops searched around Steven’s garden area for a while, “All clear”, one of them said, before they both walked away.
No, no, no. This was the right house, don’t go away!, I yelled but of course the cops couldn’t hear me.
If they left without finding Rylie, she will be dead and cold before sundown and once Steven finds out that the cops snooped around our street, he will move to somewhere else. This was the only shot at finding him and putting an end to this.
I did not realise how much time I spent panicking as by the time I was back to reality, the cops were walking back towards their cars. I couldn’t let this happen.
I began honking and shining my headlights. I honked as loud and blinked as bright as I could.
“Sergeant”, one of the cops called, pointing at me.
Yes! Yes!!, I thought to myself victoriously, continuing to honk even louder.
“Found the chip”, a cop said, ripping something off my body.
Everything after that happened so fast, the cops surrounded the house and called out to Steven, we heard a gut-wrenching scream from inside the house; it was Rylie. That was all the cops needed to rush into the apartment.
I heard a few gunshots, heavy stomps and some cops yelling at Steven to put his weapon down. The commotion went on for a while before everything went silent.
That’s when I saw them; Rylie being rushed to the paramedics as blood gushed out of her left thigh and Steven in handcuffs being dragged out of the house right behind her.
The pieces began coming together in my little electric head; Rylie was an undercover agent, Steven was going to jail. It was over.
But wait, what about me?
Oh, my goodness! I’m going to jail too!
I’m an accessory to multiple murders.
Orange is not my colour.
I need a lawyer!
I was in panic mode, a thousand different worries popping into my little electric brain but as one of the cops walked passed me without as much as a second glance, I remembered that none of this was ever going to happen. I’m just an e-bike after all.
“Pack up the bike; take it to the evidence room”, I heard the sergeant yell.
Seems I’ll be wearing orange after all.
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