They say the ones who seek constant crowds are but nothing alone. Their souls lie in the masses, existing only as a part of something bigger. An organism of its own, born from an unspecified quantity that despite broken down by just its elements are powerless, it amounts to power greater than an individual in weight, volume, and voice.
Marcus bent over to tie the laces of his shoe. He stood up before the front door of his apartment and stared into it as if it were a portal into another world. A world that was loud, chaotic and unpredictable. He routinely patted his pockets making sure he had his phone, wallet and … but thoughts rushed his mind, distracting him as they do.
So big and loud this mass of nothingness. Big and fearsome like a monster in a child’s dream. Preying upon him, fueling nightmares and fears that would grow up alongside him, in a generation plagued with social anxiety and a lifestyle of commercial convenience which would enable this fear to newer and higher limits.
He put his hand on the door handle and listened for one last time in comfort to the noises from the other side being muffled behind the walls of drywall and brick. Birds singing, children laughing, cars honking in chorus with the cacophony of traffic.
But then what of I… The one who seeks constant solitude. He who has infinite battery life safely stowed away in the prison of his own design. However, not a watt to charge the amount it would take for a flick of the wrist to gesture a ‘hello’ at a neighbor when he takes out the trash.
But then what of I… where is my power?
Marcus opened the door and walked out, closing the door leading into his haven behind him as his body tensed when exposed to the reality of being outside. He froze for a moment. After a moment of adjusting his breathing to the oxygenless crowded world, he pulled the hood of his hoodie up and over his head.
He walked down the stairs of his apartment complex and saw his first big hurdle, a group of children playing all sorts of games. Some kicked a ball, while a few rode around in circles on bicycles, and the remainder chased each other around playing soldier with toy guns.
As he descended the steps he walked astray from the guided path, intending to avoid the young crowd and their stabbing glares. However Marcus’ attempts were for not, as the children could smell the fear that wafted off of him. They looked over to the man in his middle twenties concealing himself in a hoodie on a hot summer’s day.
A child did not scare Marcus. But more than one times two was not a child, but a nightmare.
Marcus walked faster, anxiety having set in. His eyes darted to the ground as he momentarily met with those of the genial groundskeeper pushing his wheelbarrow of gardening tools in his cursed direction. He passed him, pretending to have not seen him but he felt the old man’s overly friendly eyes on him as he walked by.
He then heard someone call his name from across the way. After processing it he recognised it as his neighbour from across the hall, Sandy. She was a talker. And he would gladly agree to a text message conversation or even a chat on the phone with her while he was back in his apartment… but not out here in the open where it, the monster lurks…
He had just one quest to seize, the whole reason why he chose to leave the sanctuary of his cozy flat on this Sunday afternoon. To pick up a package the delivery man left in his mailbox in the management office.
Marcus hauled to the office and in a flash, using his quickly diminishing battery life, he walked inside and approached his mailbox. He reached in his pocket for his keys when…
Where were his keys…? His hands kept feeling around an empty space, but kept searching… in denial that what he was looking for, what he desperately wanted to believe was there, and at the crux of the matter, what he needed there to be to breathe.
Marcus sat on his rear, while his arms hugged his knees on the floor below the lockers. He was locked out of his mailbox… but more importantly… he was locked out of his apartment. His mind raced for a solution to his problem. But with each second devoted to resolution, he lost a minute of battery life. This was the end. Although a metaphorical lightbulb went off in Marcus’ anxiety induced mind ( however wasting even more energy in doing so…)
‘Alex’, he thought.
He had left a spare key with one of his closest friends, who he hadn’t seen in a while. His name felt blurry to him as well… But he had a one track mind and couldn’t focus on anything else but his goal, fueled by the desire for survival.
Marcus stood up from his defeated slouch and looked towards the street facing the management office, and all the cars and people and quantity which roamed and owned the streets.
“I’m going to have to face the monster…”.
Marcus waited for the bus tapping his shoes on the ground, impatiently depending on the late bus backed up by traffic to arrive. He would have driven… but no keys equals no car. He stood as far away from the group of people who sat in the shade, even though he stood in the beating hot sun. At least he stood alone.
The bus finally rolled up and as it screeched to a halt and the doors aggressively flung open he saw people as they spilled out, packed so close together they could make one giant bus-sized human meatball.
Marcus stepped back in horror and he ran away in fright.
Just as he thought he had escaped the presence of that terrifying sight the sky grew dark and it began to rain, the streets became tighter and heavier with congested traffic, the whole city conglomerating into one giant mass. It was there… the monster that grew from the deepest darkest depths of Marcus’ fears. And it kept growing bigger and stronger and flooded down the streets until it absorbed everything and everything was all one and the same.
Alex cut carrots on a chopping board, listening to the pitter and patter of rain on the window sill of his apartment.
Out of the blue from the dark and stormy sky he heard a knock on the door.
He put the knife down calmly and wiped his hands off on his apron and walked casually but curiously to the door.
As it opened he saw a man in a hoodie soaking wet and shaking.
“… Marcus…?”Alex said in surprise with a soft tone.
Just as he did Marcus fell forward from total exhaustion and Alex sprung forward with almost fatally slow reflexes and caught Marcus before he fell to the floor.
Marcus sat across the dining room table from Alex. His eyes were glazed over, fixed on the spare key to his apartment and mailbox placed before him on the table.
Alex sipped a hot cup of coffee and stared at Marcus from afar at the opposite end of the table. “You know you could have called first before showing up on my doorstep like a wet lost puppy”, Alex teased.
Marcus blinked but he remained entranced by his key, the end result of his trials and tribulations.
Alex sighed and laughed empathetically. “It’s ok though. It’s been a while I haven’t seen you or really heard from you since the quarantine began. But… it’s coming to an end, Mark… you can put your fears aside now and we can resume normal life…” he said sweet and tenderly.
Marcus blinked and looked up at his old friend. “I know”, he said. “Battery is just… low…”.
Alex stood up from his chair and walked over to Marcus without making a single sound with his feet and handed him a phone charger.
“Here then. Recharge your battery. Then you should stay for dinner”, Alex said smiling.
Marcus’ eyes glimmered and he smiled in return as he took the charger from Alex’s hand.
“We can face the monster together… as a crowd of just two”, Alex said.
