We’d bought quite a nice one, actually.  It had made sense because we were only the second people ever to have lived in that apartment. Everything was very modern and sleek in there, though it was also restrictively small.  We’d previously satisfied ourselves with cheap water dispensers, usually in the ghastly blue and white of those tracksuit high school uniforms (when will these trends end?).  This time, we’d plumped for something black and dark gold, something like real furniture. Tall, free-standing. Space for paper cups down there. When we moved again, it came...

Among the anecdotal indicators of a country’s being developing or developed is the availability of drinkable tap water.  A developing nation which has laid down the world’s most extensive railway network can add safe water pipes to that in record time, and surely will. But, for now, it remains nominally one of those watershed development issues. I say, “nominally”, because I didn’t enjoy the tap water which I drank in France this summer. I actually suspect it. Even if it left the water plant uncorrupted, it may have passed through heavy...

Delicious, isn’t it? Remember the smell when you unpeeled your first credit card? If you have bought electronics, you will know the excitement of transparent sleeves and instruction booklets. Let us also mention polyethylene. If I write here about the smell of new bin liners, you will experience something quite specific in your “inner nose”. Polyethylene. It is the softer plastics that seem more generous to give off their scent. PVC raincoats and toy umbrellas. We all know the aromatic explosion from a roll of bubble wrap. Tiny seams of injected modernity. It...

There’s an English word that begins with “b”. It literally means “female dog”. Don’t pretend you don’t know it. The word has retained its full force during the many years since I first learnt it, while other “b” words, such as “bloody”, have lost theirs. Secularism and permissiveness have prevailed. But even as the old lexicon of oaths and obscenities fades into quaintness, there is actually a whole group of curses that retain the capacity to shock. These are the terms that will lose a broadcaster his/her job; the terms that imply/constitute...