Nora hated hearing Matt’s friends refer to that girl as a “snack”, as if a woman was a tasty meal to be consumed.
But if the girl she watched him take to the hotel was a snack, then she herself was “fangbianmian” (方便面) convenient noodles. Instant wife, just add hot water and mix, always there when needed, tasty enough for a lazy day.
She didn’t really blame Matt for their lukewarm marriage. She was a 28-year old graduate student, with even her friends already referring to her as shengnu, (剩女), forgotten woman, when she met him.
He had joined the post-doc program a year behind her, after completing his studies back in the USA. He wasn’t the most handsome or witty, but he was safe, nice, and predictable, and he expressed an interest in her. As the only other American at the university, even then she had been the convenient girlfriend. In those early, ambitious days, they spent all their time on research, eating, drinking and sleeping together. There were no sparks, no butterflies in her stomach, but it staved off the loneliness. It was no surprise when two weeks before graduation he proposed in the least romantic way possible.
Their little group of five researchers were celebrating the publication of their work in a journal, drinking champagne when Ling Yi asked everyone their plans after graduation.
Matt said, “Well, Nora and I will need to get our paperwork in order for a marriage license and take care of everything before we decide where we will go next.”
Nora opened her mouth to tell him that maybe this was a personal matter to discuss, but then she realised he was right. two Americans determined to be academics in a foreign country, and it made sense to stay together. Besides, what other chances would a woman her age in China get at marriage? So, she bit her tongue, smiled, and went along with it. Even the marriage was low key and convenient. Only his sister made it out to China, both sets of parents sending wire transfers as a gift with their heartfelt congratulations.
As the years went by, they did everything that was expected of them. They found great positions at a prominent university in Jiangsu, Nora taking a less ambitious position after her first pregnancy to make time to take care of the family.
Without Matt’s mother in China to take care of the babies, it all rested on her, and she strove to gain the approval of everyone around her while Matt made sure to do what was expected of him, rising in the ranks of university prominence, providing for the family, developing guanxi with the higher ups in the system. Despite the monotony of their life at times, it was a good life. It was obvious they both loved the children and she never regretted any of it.
She realised now how much she had grown to love Matt, he was truly her best friend and her partner. However, she never forgot that it all rested on her acceptance of being convenient noodles. If she couldn’t be the lobster tail and beef wellington of her husband’s eyes, for once, she wouldn’t mind at least being the snack.
Matt pondered his marriage as he dropped off his colleague’s more-than-tipsy wife, Li Jun, at the hotel. “Thank God Nora would never go out and get black out drunk, loudly deriding me in front of my colleagues, attempting to seduce other men!”, he thought. He knew Nora never really loved him, but they respected each other and that was enough for him. They accepted each other’s ways and appreciated them. They made life easier for each other, and they had built a life together.
He remembered how back in their post-doc days, he counted himself lucky that the beautiful American student preferred his company, even if he knew it was only out of convenience. He knew he was geeky, obsessed with work, and unable to express himself well, no prize. However, as their hours of research together were coming to a close, it seemed that they naturally just stayed together. Everything was just so easy with Nora. When he began contemplating marriage, he thought there was a good chance she would agree, since her family had been pressuring her, implying that she would never marry and have kids, yet he knew she would never really love him the way he loved her. He was merely the most convenient option.
That night he had inadvertently proposed to Nora, he thought that she would set him straight and waited for the shoe to drop, but it never did.
He thought many times over the months leading to the wedding about giving her an out, telling her that she was a beautiful, intelligent woman and could easily find a man equal to her someday, no need to rush into a marriage with him.
He knew it was selfish of him to deprive her of the possibility of finding her true love, but he couldn’t imagine a life without her. He had tried through the years to be the perfect husband and good provider for the family, spending long days with the department heads and board members to move up the ladder so that they could have a good life. He helped at home and with the children when he could so that Nora would never feel that he was taking advantage of her and so that she never became overworked.
Sometimes he wished she looked at him like his colleague’s wife was when he drove her back to the hotel that night…
He would never in a million years have considered sleeping with that woman, of course, but at the same time, it was a nice feeling to be wanted. He viewed the fiery relationship between the two and found that while it was obviously toxic, the fire seemed like something to be envious of.
Li Jun sat staring out the hotel window, eating her cup of fangbianmian, and contemplated her marriage. Every time she went out drinking with her husband and their colleagues, she started getting so angry. He was always so dismissive of her ideas and suggestions, and the only thing that seemed to get him to notice her was when she flirted with his colleagues.
As if only her body was important to him, and she wasn’t important.
She sighed, remembering Matt driving her back last night. “I wish I had a marriage like those two”, she thought.
Remembering how Matt helped her into the room, as she, sloppy drunk and feeling sorry for herself, clung to him just to stay on her feet. He was so kind and gentle about it, “Get some sleep, you will feel better in the morning. I need to get home to Nora to help get the kid’s lunches ready for school tomorrow.”
Her marriage to Colin had been a whirlwind romance, they couldn’t get enough of each other at the start. She never wanted the feeling to end.
However she could see now that life shouldn’t be just a series of explosions; bitter fights and makeup sex, igniting each other’s jealously to bring back the spark.
What she really wanted was something like the convenient noodles in her hand: something comforting, always there when she needed sustenance and warmth. “It is funny how priorities change in life”, she thought. “Life should not always be a constant battle, sometimes all we need is something constant and warm to come home to, something convenient and filling”.
