In a world where increasing emphasis is placed on prevention rather than cure, we are constantly bombarded with directives. Whether it is to do more exercise or to eat more acai berries to lower the risk of cancer, the advice is as diverse as it is endless.
Living in China is no different. Our overheated brains are confused, bewildered and reacting by directing us to reach for a donut. Herein The Nanjinger carves a small oasis of rationality out of the surrounding clamour, in order that you maintain an optimum level of health in China:
Only dine in establishments that use recycled cooking oil. The more times it’s been reused the better. Don’t listen to the naysayers warning you against this, bleating on about carcinogens.
As my dad likes to say about almost everything, it will put hairs on your chest. The same philosophy can be applied to drinking unboiled water. It will only make you tougher.
From now on, don’t bother taking off your shoes when you walk into the house. This is especially beneficial if small children live in the house, what with their penchant for picking things up off the floor and putting them in their mouths.
Many child-rearing manuals encourage you to let your child play in the sand pit in order for them to build up a healthy resistance to germs. So why not bring the fresh grime of the streets of Nanjing into your home for your child to enjoy?
Next time you go to the supermarket, only buy fruit that hasn’t been bitten by insects, for instance those red glossy apples that can be found almost everywhere. Flies avoid them not because the fruit is pumped full of harmful pesticides, but because the little creatures, out of aesthetic appreciation, don’t want to spoil the apple’s pristine beauty with unsightly bite marks.
If you want to do some exercise, avoid parks or gyms and instead seek out busy roads on which to cycle or jog. Better yet, practise your tai chi on an exhaust fume-wreathed traffic island in the middle of Xinjiekou.
You’re also lucky enough to be living in a country where smoking is permitted practically anywhere. If Elizabethans believed that tobacco was medicinal (they were also sensible enough to bathe only once a year), then so can you.
So light up with gusto, and always remember to inhale.
