You know those codes you receive when it’s time to pick up your parcel? They go something like “8-8-8888”. Wanna say to them, “Bye bye”, or, “88”? Well, The Nanjinger has a way to beat the system, one which can render those deplorable digits largely a thing of the past.
These days, on account of COVID, it’s largely impossible to enter your local “kuaidi” (express courier) shack to pick up your package yourself. Most pick-up/drop-off points are now tapered off, for fear that we will infect everyone collecting our parcel from Shanghai (we wish).
如今，由于新冠疫情，您基本上不可能进入当地的“快递”棚屋自行取货。现在，大多数接送点已逐渐减少，因为担心我们会感染从上海收集包裹的每个人（我们希望如此）。
But let’s back track a little. Not so long ago, people would crowd around said shack, calling out the reference number for the location of their package and expecting kuaidi staff to run around after them like their nannies. The Nanjinger preferred scouring the shelves itself and sensed the staff appreciated the effort that lightened their load.
但让我们回顾一下。不久前，人们还聚集在这个小屋周围，喊出包裹所在位置的参考号码，并期待快的工作人员像保姆一样在他们身后跑来跑去。这位南京人更喜欢自己搜寻货架，并感觉到工作人员很欣赏减轻他们负担的努力。
But now, the M.O. goes like this. Line up (especially at weekends when the queue is reminiscent of a COVID test) and get ready with that number which is the only thing differentiating your package from that of everyone else, who also happen to be surnamed Wang, Li, Sun, Chen or Zhang. When it’s your turn, read out your number, whereupon kuaidi will go ferret out your parcel.
但现在，M.O.像这样。排队（尤其是在周末，排队让人想起新冠病毒检测）并准备好号码，这是您的包裹与其他人（碰巧也姓王、李、孙、陈或张）的包裹唯一不同的地方。轮到你的时候，读出你的号码，快的就会去搜你的包裹。
The trick is to differentiate yourself in the extreme. Simply head over to your online shopping platform of choice and change your delivery name to something nonsensical which will stand out like a sore thumb to your kuaidi staff.
诀窍是让自己与众不同。只需前往您选择的在线购物平台，将您的送货名称更改为一些无意义的名称，这会让您的快的员工感到厌烦。
Ours is an odd combination of the name of a superhero and that of a famous doll. Most important is that it need be something long (seven or eight characters) and the absolute antithesis of Wang, Sun at al.
我们的名字是超级英雄的名字和著名娃娃的名字的奇怪组合。最重要的是它必须很长（七八个字符）并且与王、孙等人完全对立。
Take Saturday for example. When this correspondent went to get his kuaidi, by the time he looked up from his phone with the code, friendly kuaidi girl was already standing in the doorway with his parcel. Job done.
以星期六为例。当记者去取快的时候，当他从手机上输入密码抬起头时，友善的快的女孩已经拿着包裹站在门口了。工作完成了。
Choose your new name wisely and with a bit of creativity. After a few sarcy comments along the lines of, “Suits you, actually”, or “What kind of a name do you call that?”, you’ll soon have a reputation as the XXXXXXX guy or gal. What was an irksome “assume the position” kind of manoeuvre will soon be putting a smile on everyone’s faces.
明智地并发挥一点创造力来选择你的新名字。在一些讽刺性的评论之后，“实际上适合你”，或者“你叫这个什么名字？”，你很快就会获得 XXXXXXX 男人或女孩的声誉。这种令人厌烦的“就位”策略很快就会让每个人脸上露出笑容。
In this way, whenever a package turns up in the future addressed to “Wonder Woman Barbie” or “Predator vs. Terminator”, the friendly kuaidi folk will not be able to help but remember exactly where they put it on their shelves.
这样，每当将来出现一个写着“神奇女侠芭比”或“铁血战士大战终结者”的包裹时，友好的快地人都会情不自禁地记住他们把它放在货架上的确切位置。
Bit shhh. Keep the secret to yourself (and absolutely do not share this article). If we all do it…
有点嘘。请保守秘密（绝对不要分享这篇文章）。如果我们都这样做……
