Wedding traditions have and will continue to evolve over the years, varying from region to region, country to country. Unique and enchanting wedding traditions around the world are a reflection of the past. The exquisite etiquette and elaborate arrangements that manifest China’s abundant culture and rich history are perhaps typified by the kind of marital union that would have occurred in a wealthy family during the Qing Dynasty from the late 16th Century until the end of the 19th Century.
Prior to China’s liberation (1949) from the yoke of feudalism, every marriage was required to adhere to the overriding rule of “fu mu zhi ming, mei shuo zhi yan” (parents’ commands and matchmakers’ words) and follow the principle, “meng dang hu dui” (a couple of the same class). Liberal romance and marriage was frowned upon by conservative people and led to many love-struck couples either eloping or doing a Romeo and Juliet. Elders cherished a conviction passed on from generation to generation; “Marriage is for continuing the ancestral line and creating alliances between families, thus the duty is too important to be left in the rash hands of the young”. Youngsters were puppets, treated like pawns, without freedom or rights, constrained by feudalism and unable to savour the nectar of happiness.
The matchmaker (normally female) played a leading role in every marriage, acting as a buffer between the two parties, picking the potential nubile candidates and undergoing betrothal negotiations, during which her witty tongue was crucial to the parental decisions of both parties. The names, birthdays and horoscopes of the selected couple were presented to fortunetellers or astrological experts; after the go-between’s recommendation and fortuneteller’s confirmation, it would some- times be arranged for the young man and woman to meet in the presence of their parents, but in most cases, their first meeting only occurred on the wedding day. On such a first visit of the groom-to-be to his future wife’s home, he was required to present betrothal gifts (money, jewelry or valuable antiques) to his future in laws and the value of these were perceived as a reflection of his sincerity and commitment to the marriage. After accepting the gifts, the parents of the bride-to-be would sign an agreement to confirm that the couple was engaged. Breach of this would result in the return of all gifts and often severe compensation from the man’s family. After referring to a Chinese almanac, both parties settled on a propitious date and began thorough preparations.
Our ancestors abided by many auspicious beliefs, espe- cially for a wedding referred to as “da xi zhi ri” (red-letter day). A strict Visual Identity system dictated the colours red or gold; definitely no black or white, reserved for funerals and other ominous events. On the night before the wedding, the bride-to-be stayed in her own home having her last dinner with her family as an unmarried woman while the groom-to-be slept with a virgin boy (which presaged that he would be blessed to have a son in the near future). In the bridal chamber, the newly made red quilted bed was adorned with “hong dou” (red beans), “hua sheng” (peanuts) and “gua zi” (melon seeds), often referred to as “zao sheng gui zi”, all symbolising the birth of a son, traditions that reflect the deep-rooted concept of a son being the only suitable candidate to continue the family line.
The red-letter day arrives, and the groom, wearing a bright red gown with a big red satin-made flower pinned on his chest, heads for the bride’s home over long consecutive waves of ear-splitting firecrackers, used to drive away evil spirits. As the groom arrives, fire crackers are set off again to urge the guards behind the door to open up promptly. However they will not abide unless the groom is generous enough to slip a stuffed red envelope into each of their pockets. Meanwhile, the bride is waiting anxiously in her bedroom in a tailor-made bright red mandarin gown embroidered with auspicious symbols; perhaps a phoenix, peony and an exquisite coronet. Her face, richly adorned with rouge and scarlet lip balm, is veiled in red satin. This traditional adornment is used to conceal the bride’s nervousness; the privilege of unveiling belongs exclusively to her husband.
The groom is provided with dim sum upon entering the house. After a short time, and on a full stomach, he carries his bride out and firecrackers are lit once more. The bride’s parents follow, spreading a handful of rice and spilling a bowl of water behind the sedan chair,
implying that just as the water and rice is gone for good, their daughter nominally is no longer counted as a part of the family; belonging forever to another, even in death.
The bride takes a new pair of chopsticks and embroidered shoes with her, indicating the start of her new life in a new home that would remain so for the rest of her life. With butterflies in her stomach and a mixture of emotions rising in her heart, she sits quietly alone in the sedan chair, recalling her dying girlhood, think- ing of her secret love for the last time (often the bride loved another man) and enjoying her last moment of peace before starting a regimented life in an unknown place, while all around the beating of gongs and drums resound in her ears.
Upon arriving at his house, the groom dismounts from the horse first and shoots a bow towards the sedan chair to dispel any unlucky omens encountered along the way. Holding her groom’s hand, the bride steps out of the sedan chair and, in another dispelling of ill will, is led to jump over a bowl of fire. The couple are invited to sit down to enjoy a dish of boiled glutinous balls with brown sugar that symbolise union and the wish to conceive a son.
Soon the grand wedding ceremony begins. Escorted by her father, the bride enters the hall to the curious and complimentary gaze and sincere blessing of all in attendance. The groom takes his bride’s hand from her father, stands upright facing the Master of Ceremo- nies and following his order the couple kowtows three times; first towards Heaven and Earth, next to their parents and at last to each other. They now kneel down for a few moments, the bride behind the groom as an indication she rests in the palm of his hand; an implication of obedience. After serving tea to the senior family members and receiving their red envelopes, the couple finally ties the knot.
To the newly-weds, what follows is the most expectant and to some couples who had previously not met, a crucial moment that could bring about joy or tears, rapture or desperation.
Sitting on the bridal bed decorated by red paper cuttings, the groom uses a measuring scale beam to unveil the bride, an action known in Chinese as “chen xin ru yi”. They cut a lock of each other’s hair and bind them together, signifying the unbreakable family bond and after drinking the wedlock wine, the couple go out to welcome and toast guests at the banquet.
At night, guests rush to the bridal chamber where un- folds a frenzied and exhilarating “nao dong fang” (wedding horseplay).
At the prompting of mischievous friends’, the couple act out a series of pranks, such as simultaneously biting the same apple. As bedtime approaches, guests shall be dismissed but the more playful will secretively stay outside to eavesdrop. The bride will not go to bed until the wedding candles have burnt out for fear of incurring bad luck. Should the unruly guests also escape with the groom’s clothes, the next morning he shall also need to slip them a red envelope to recover them.
Fast forward to modern China where universal customs such as wearing red gowns and setting off fireworks are retained. Certain areas have also preserved their own traditions. In my hometown (Southern Jiangsu province), the groom will eat a poached egg with vermicelli (implying fertility and longevity) upon entering the bride’s house whilst in Fujian province, a wedding banquet usually lasts for three days with dinners set in both homes. In Shanxi, crying during the marriage ceremony is expected; the folklore goes that if the bride cries on her wedding day, accompanied by her mother and sisters, they will be blessed with wealth and good fortune in the future.
While modern Chinese weddings have in many ways copied the western format, the differences between them remain influenced by their distinctive culture and values. No matter where in the world it occurs, marriage is predominantly the joining of two individuals as a couple, with hope and expectation that two willing hearts be determined to stick together through thick and thin. While some may argue that the institution is outdated, time has not changed the wish of every young woman, Chinese or foreign; to walk down the aisle, or be carried in a red sedan chair, to her “zhen ming tian zi” (Mr Right).
