“If your mother and your wife were both drowning, which one would you save?” illustrates the worst dilemma imaginable for a Chinese man. Today, the entire nation faces the tough choice between mother and lover.
It is a bit like watching your two favourite sports teams face off in a match. This year’s February 14th has brought about a culture clash in China of unprecedented proportions as Western Valentine’s Day, which has become hugely popular in the Middle Kingdom, falls on the same day as the traditional Chinese Lantern Festival.
Borne from a Communist upbringing, tight-knit family ties and principles of filial piety often see family prioritsed over an individual partner. Consequently, not spending a holiday with your parents in China is considered incredibly rude, bordering on treason. If the reason for this lack of respect turns out to be a female partner, a Chinese man might well find himself accused of “forgetting the mother because of the wife” (有了媳妇忘了娘).
The threat to family peace or double holiday as it is being called has caused an immense stir on the Chinese internet, with users discussing the “the question of choosing between rose and tangyuan”; the glutinous rice balls traditionally eaten during the Lantern festival, also hailed as metaphor for family-union due to the similarity of both words in the Chinese language.
The online world has been in this festival frenzy for the better part of three weeks and throughout Spring Festival, reflecting how serious the double holiday issue is especially for the country’s youth. That this is a topic of great importance for society as a whole is displayed by Chinese media, who has in recent days rigorously joined in the debate on the conflict between tradition and modernity, communism and individualism, East and West.
What is emerging from this turmoil is the gap that has been created between two generations with the arrival of Western culture in China. No consideration would have been given by traditional thinkers as to which holiday has priority; therefore this is one of the occasions where the Western influence on young Chinese becomes glaringly obvious.
The War of the Roses
From a business perspective, there is a clear winner. Ranging from five-star hotels advertising romantic, over-priced Valentine’s Dinners to local community stores decorating a nauseatingly pink stand with presents for one’s special someone, the local industry has been advertising the Western holiday for weeks, while there is yet to be any sign of the “Lantern Festival Set Menu” on even one of Nanjing’s dining establishments.
Flower shops are hiking rose prices in an unprecedented fashion; while a bunch of roses usually sells at an average price of around ¥5 per flower head, shortly before the most romantic day of the year the price quadrupled with most of Nanjing’s stores selling the lovely flower at ¥20 each. Those who really mean business purchase preserved flowers, which will last up to three years. The “Forever Roses” are priced between ¥200 and ¥300 per piece, making for a Valentine’s bouquet worth ¥3000. That stings.
Costly Compromise?
Although obviously an argument for the less-pricy family reunion (a packet of Tangyuan from the super market will only set you back ¥5.3 including a packet of dumplings for free), the explosive prices have not put a dampener on expensive displays of affection as a trip to the local store proves. At least ten bouquets starting at ¥160 with a lot of upward mobility are sitting in front of the shop front waiting for their owners to pick them up. One cannot help but speculate that the luxurious bunch of flowers might be a peace offering by those young men who intend to spend the evening with their families after all. Whichever the motivation behind the purchase, the local floral industry is having a field day.
The nation’s male population is left with even more pressure than they already face; on top of buying houses and cars and finding a suitable partner the parents approve of before they are 28, this holiday mayhem calls for some serious compromise. Examples are opting for early parental dinner and a late-night trip to the cinema for the two lovebirds (at least the holiday managed to fall on a Friday), while non-professionals have the flexibility to chose a family lunch/ Valentine’s dinner model, and the luckiest ones with understanding girlfriends might even be able to push Valentine’s to Saturday. Do not count on this, though.
While “Valentern” is making Chinese men walk a tight rope, they can take consolation in the knowledge that once the horror is over, they will have a sufficient amount of time to come up with the ideal solution for the next double holiday; 19 years to be exact.
